Before you slip those sandals on.... Let's cover the basics!!!!

As I reflect over the 88 degree weather that we experienced in the Atlanta area on yesterday, a few thoughts came flooding into my mind. These thoughts primarily took me on a journey  through a very painful experience that happens to me each year which is being a witness to the "Crunchy Heel & Disgusting Toe Nail Length Syndrome"... Some of you may have been so fortunate as to have not ever seen or experienced these syndromes, but that has not been my pleasure. So in an effort to reduce CH/DTNL syndromes all over the world, I will be providing you with today's in-service......

Please feel free to share these helpful tips with friends, family or sufferers!!!!

Blog Vocabulary

Crunchy Heel- This occurs when the sides, back and bottom of your feet appear to have ruffles. This layered or ruffled look comes in many colors, degrees and levels of disgust.

Ruffles- Appears to be layers of crust on the bottom and sides of the foot, often whiter in the ruffle then on the edges. These ruffles also form neat patterns akin to the annual rings on a tree and signify how long its been since that broad even washed her feet!!!!!

Soft speckled white w/4 or less ruffles- means you just need a pedicure and some lotion. Maybe you are in between pay periods and are just running low on supplies, so handle that. *It may also be helpful to do the Vaseline and sock thing 3 nights a week.* Tip pedicurist 10% for her troubles!!

Pure White w/5-7 ruffles- means its been about 6 weeks with no real foot care, no pedicure, no lotion, no nothing... At this stage, the victim has generally torn at least 1 pair of hose, scrapped spouse, snagged the sheets and socks also stick to the creases of her foot.  * Get a deluxe pedicure, and do the Vaseline sock thing 7 days a week for 3 weeks or until soft supple texture returns.* Tip pedicurist 20% for her troubles!!

Gray/Black w/8 or more ruffles- See a Podiatrist 1st, to ensure no infection has set in. 2nd burn all shoes worn prior to podiatric medicine appointment. Burn all ripped linens and socks. At this juncture, you have made at least 30 people roll their eyes at you and 7 have thrown up in their mouths... You are also called by names such as "trifling, nasty, lazy, mess etc...." *After clearance from your physician, and a complete cycle of the recommended meds, get a pedicure, 1x a week for 4 weeks, then every 2 weeks for 4 more weeks and than as needed...  You are banned from sandals until your follow up podiatrist visit and must do  monthly foot welfare checks until deemed fit for independent care!!! Also be prepared to Tip pedicurist 40% for her troubles!!

Exhibit A  ( Please note excessive ruffling)

DTNL Syndrome- signaled by toe nails that are over  2 inches thick, dark grey/brown or green, curving in unnatural ways, ripping hose or scrapping the concrete as you walk!! Causing another to need a Tetanus Shot after contact with your feet!!! See Psychiatrist ( to discuss underlying reasons for this situation) and Podiatrist for further instructions cause....... I just can't!!!!

BTW: You may also be discussed negatively in Vietnamese, Mandarin, Korean, Laos, and Ebonics!!

Now that we have all of the descriptions out of the way... The bottom line is this: at this stage in the season (First day of Spring) Give yourself a quick check, glance quickly at your feet and be honest with yourself.... Have I adequately prepared for sandals???? I know that the unseasonably warm weather caught many of us by surprise, but I would rather you wear boots or closed- toes shoes with integrity and pride and be a little warm, then sandals and be very offensive and embarrassed!!!

If you fall in the latter mentioned categories and know that your feet need work, START today and make a decision to fix your feet or fore go wearing sandals until you can fix your feet!!!

If you have a friend, that is in violation of the CH/DNTL syndrome, gently push them to get a pedicure, or an exfoliation kit for their feet, Hell buy them one as a gift!!!  Make not so suttle hints about the neighborhood Podiatrist or the Foot Sloughing Cream you bought Auntie Viola and how well that worked on her Level 99 feet!!! I think that as Americans we have all been through enough, and this syndrome is just one more hurdle that we have to face, but we will OVERCOME, one pedicure at a time.... And with your help, the healing  and vomit reduction can begin today!!!

Love, Peace, and Comic Relief! Tameka